Like most girls growing up, I had an image of the kind of man I wanted to marry; well not so much of an image than the idea of who he is going to be. He has to be kind, romantic, spontaneous, has money to treat me to whatever I desire, great in bed and must be into the weird things I am sexually (this came in my adolescent years of course), and the weirdest one, we argue a lot. But little did I know that reality was far from what I fantasied about.
Nobody told me, how men will break a woman's heart, and vice versa, or how sex was part of a cordial relationship, or how challenging being a descent girl is while searching for a man you can call your man.
I have had a total of 3 boyfriends and some other involvements that all had different endings, each more bizarre than the previous; there were times were I would ask myself, am I the problem? I had to ask an ex one day, and he practically swore that there was nothing wrong with me, then I asked; "so why did you leave me? " He replied; "you deserve someone better". You see he believed that he wasn't good enough for me, or that I needed someone who would treat me the way I deserve. The truth is, I am not picky when it come to men (well, maybe their appearance), the only way a guy could get my attention was just to make me laugh.
29 years old, was in a deceitful one-way relationship for 3 years, and all I keep thinking is; was it really worth it being a good girl? Being honest, vulnerable, caring to one guy and not look at any other guy's way all for nothing; when they can't even pay you back with a little respect?
I was never one to go back to an ex after a break up, not pride, but just couldn't think about it. Now, I am lonely, and need my other half. It is not about sex, I have had my fair share of one night stands ( a concept which comes in handy by the way).
Uncertain of what lies ahead, but what/who ever it is, I sure hope it/he comes fast, because I feel the burning flame of hope dim by each passing day.
No comments:
Post a Comment